A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits
down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a
black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have
black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister
accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with
the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying,
'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two
pickets to Tittsburgh'........... So she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue
twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my
wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally
said,'You've ruined my life you evil fat bitch'.!!!!!
SNL Sofa King Skit
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Friday, April 6, 2007
FW: I think you are the father of one of my kids...
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS..........
>
>
>
> A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman
>wave
>
> at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place
>
> where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
>
>
>
> To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
>
>
>
> Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
>
> to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
>
> party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies
>
> watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
>
>
>
> She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math
>
> teacher."
>
>
>
> A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman
>wave
>
> at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place
>
> where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
>
>
>
> To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
>
>
>
> Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
>
> to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
>
> party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies
>
> watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
>
>
>
> She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math
>
> teacher."
This explains why we forward jokes
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime .
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime .
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