Sunday, May 20, 2007

Tongue Twister

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits
down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a
black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have
black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister
accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with
the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying,
'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two
pickets to Tittsburgh'........... So she socked me a good one."

The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue
twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my
wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally
said,'You've ruined my life you evil fat bitch'.!!!!!

SNL Sofa King Skit

Stress Test

Read the full description before looking at the picture.

The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins. The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.

Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation.

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Fart Study

Standard Fart
The Standard fart is quite simply an average every day fart suitable for most events and in the company of most everyone. It is dry in nature, but rarely exibits a bouquet that will inspire jealousy among friends or co-workers. It belongs to the same family as The Ripper, and often times only lacks a bit of confidence and pressure to achieve this next level. An example of the standard fart may be heard by clicking the button below.

The Nervous Fart
The Nervous Fart is only executable intentionally by farting masters, as it is normally a reaction to an unpleasant situation rather than something you can practice. You may have heard one of these at a kindergarden concert or during a company meeting where layoffs were mentioned. One of the characteristics of this fart is the high pitch at the end caused by the clamping of butt cheeks once it is heard by the nervous culprit.

The Cough-Fart Combo
The Cough-Fart Combo is a premeditated activity undertaken by one trying to mask his activities. This technique is often used in the presence of women; especially those who don’t understand that farts are funny.
Warning: The Cough-Fart Combo can be a double edged sword, especially when your timing is a bit off, or the fart lasts longer than expected!

The Wet One (AKA-Stickey Fart)
The Wet One will score you huge points with the lads. Mostly because they’re hoping you just shit yourself. The wet one is often followed by an inspection of one’s underpants for damage.The Sticky One is funny for all but the perpetrator, and usually always results in the need for some clean up.

The Power Fart
This fart is very standard and dry in nature but is, as mentioned earlier, pushed out with a bit more confidence. It is usually quite well respected if it is heared by unsuspecting passers by or blown in a church or quiet place. It is especially effective when used to punctuate the last word of a boring speaker’s lecture.

The Soprano
This fart is difficult to describe. It is quite high pitched in nature, and often times is associated with a tingling vibratory feeling in the crotch area. It can be used to significantly lengthen a ripper or standard fart if you are going for duration.

My personal favorite: The Ripper.
It is strong, intense and gives you a good deal of confidence that all have enjoyed or at least experienced it.
It is not only loud, and with varriable tones, but carries with it the reputation as being quite stinky. This one is ideally suited for a car journey, especially with child-lock electric windows.

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