FW: How to spot a millionaire

How one twenty-something turned trash into cold hard cash

Fw: I went shopping at the local Asian Market...

What I wish I knew when I was 20

The best acoustic guitar solo I've ever heard

FW: Have you ever been this tired?

Fw: My Owner is an Idiot! - this is hilarious!

Hunk Calendar

weenie test

>> Weenie Test

>>

>>Three third graders from Tennessee (an Irish kid, an Italian kid

>>and a Redneck kid) are on the play ground at recess.

>>

>>The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who

>>has the largest weenie," he says.

>>

>>"Okay." They all agree.

>>

>>The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.

>>

>>"That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out and proudly

>>shows that his is at least an inch longer.

>>

>>Not to be outdone, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far not

>>only the biggest, but the fattest.

>>

>>That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks

>>him what he did at school today.

>>

>>"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud

>>from

>

>>a new book and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game

>>called "Let's see who has the largest weenie."

>>

>>"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.

>>

>>"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I

>>had the biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm a Redneck. Is that

>>true, Mom?"

>> >> Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty- one.

FW: I think you are the father of one of my kids...

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS..........
>
>
>
> A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman
>wave
>
> at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place
>
> where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
>
>
>
> To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
>
>
>
> Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
>
> to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
>
> party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies
>
> watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
>
>
>
> She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math
>
> teacher."

COWBOY HONEYMOON

COWBOY HONEYMOON

Cowboy and his wife had just been married and went to a hotel for their
honeymoon.

The man went to the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, "This here is a very special 'casion....our wedding night, and
we need a good room with a strong bed."

The clerk winked and asked, "Do you want the Bridal?"

The Cowboy thought about it a while and then replied, "No, I guess not,
I'll just hold on to her ears until she gets used to it."

I Love My Job!!

Dream Jobs and the Best Companies to work for
The Coolest Companies to work for

LOVE MY JOB . . . . .

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue, just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well, until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

FW: Got Beer?

Got beer???? A landlord's nightmare

A SINGLE GUY LIVED IN THIS TOWNHOUSE FOR 8 YEARS IN OGDEN UTAH . THE LANDLORD THOUGHT HE WAS THE BEST RENTER BECAUSE HE NEVER CALLED OR COMPLAINED AND WAS NEVER LATE ON A PAYMENT .

THESE PICTURES DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO WHAT IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE.

CENTURY 21REALTY HAD ALREADY MOVED SOME OF THE CANS OUT, AND THEY HAD CAVED IN THE TUNNELS THAT THE RENTER HAD MADE TO GET TO THE BEDROOM, BATHROOM, AND KITCHEN .

All this, yet you still do not see any dust, scattered clothing, or dirty dishes anywhere .

Other than having a minor drinking problem, he was basically a very clean, organized person. Add to this, the fact that he was concerned about his health, proven by the fact that he drank "light" beer.