FW: Fwd: Washington Post.

> > Washington Post.
> > March 15, 2006
> >
> > For Immediate Release:
> >
> > Congress today announced the Office of President of the United States
> > of America will be outsourced to India as of March 20, 2006. The move
> > is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also
> > a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the
> > office has incurred during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a
> > wise move financially. Cost savings should be significant," stated
> > Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, who with the aid of the
> > Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs
> > extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world
> > stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
> >
> > Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
> >  Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime.
> > Gurvinder Singh of  Indus Tele-services, Mumbai will be assuming the
> > Office of the President as Mr. Bush departs on March 20.  Mr. Singh
> > was born in the US while his Indian parents were vacationing at
> > Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.  He will
> > receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but with no health coverage or
> > other benefits.
> >
> > It is believed Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
> > responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
> > between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
> > few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will
> > allow me to keep my day job at the Dell computer call center," stated
> > Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
> > position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
> >
> > A Congressional spokesperson noted that, while Mr. Singh may not be
> > fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
> > this should not be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with
> > the issues either.  Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
> > enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using
> > these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having
> > to understand the underlying issues at all.
> >
> > "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
> > "President Bush has used them successfully for years."  Mr. Singh may
> > have  problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Mr. Bush has abandoned
> > the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top
> > of the Katrina situation.
> >
> > Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
> >  final day of employment. Following a 2-week waiting period, he will
> > be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately,
> > he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits
> > will exceed the allowed limit.
> >
> > Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
> > to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
> > transition.  According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
> > securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A
> > greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Mr. Bush's extensive
> > experience shaking hands and putting on his world renowned phony
> > smile.
> >
> > Another possibility is Mr. Bush's reenlistment in the Texas Air
> > National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but, should
> > he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX, for a
> > month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been
> > there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable
> > knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal
> > and gift shop.
> >
> > Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
> > reception from Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of
> > his arrival so they might arrange an appropriate welcome.