FW:Bird Flu Florida

Common Knowledge

>>The average person only gets 7 correct.
>>
>>
>>
>>This is based on U.S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. This can
>>be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little most of us
>>really see!
>>
>>
>>
>>There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known
>>about all our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple
>>questions are harder than you think-- it just shows you how little we
>>pay attention to the commonplace things of life. Put your thinking
>>caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair!
>>No using anything on or in your desk or computer! Can you beat 20??
>>(The average is 7) Write down your answers as you go. Check answers
>>(on the bottom), AFTER completing all the questions.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!! BE HONEST!!! That means no looking at your
>>phone or anything on your desk...
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Then, before you pass this on to your friends, change the number on
>>the subject line to show how many you got correct. Forward to your
>>friends and also back to the one who sent it to you.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE.
>>
>>
>>
>>Here we go!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people
>>don't
>>know)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
>>(Don't you dare get up to see!)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>7. How many matches are in a standard pack?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>10 Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>13 On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>14. Which way do fans rotate?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>15 How many sides does a stop sign have?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the
>>opening between the slats?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>23. There are 12 buttons on a touch-tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no
>>digits?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>ANSWERS
>>
>>
>>
>>1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
>>BOTTOM
>>
>>2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people
>>don't
>>know) 50
>>
>>3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch? RIGHT
>>
>>4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label? BLUE,
>>RED, WHITE, YELLOW, BLACK &GOLD
>>
>>5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
>>
>>1,
>>
>>0
>>
>>6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
>>RIGHT
>>
>>
>>7. How many matches are in a standard pack? 20
>>
>>8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white? RED
>>
>>9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? 88
>>
>>10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?
>>CLOCKWISE
>>! (NORTH OF THE EQUATOR)
>>
>>11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run? TOWARDS BOTTOM
>>RIGHT
>>
>>12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial? 12 (no #1)
>>
>>13 On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons? LEFT
>>
>>14. Which way do fans rotate? CLOCKWISE AS YOU LOOK AT IT
>>
>>15 How many sides does a stop sign have? 8
>>
>>16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side? LEFT
>>
>>17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel? 5
>>
>>18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil? 6
>>
>>19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing? BASHFUL
>>
>>20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package? 8
>>
>>21 On which playing card is the card maker's trademark? ACE OF SPADES
>>
>>22 On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the
>>opening between the slats? LEFT
>>
>>23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no
>>digits? *, #
>>
>>24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip? 3!
>>
>>25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise? COUNTER
>>

FW: REDNECKTRACTOR PULL

FW: Fwd: Retired Husband

>> Dear Mrs. Fenton,

>>

>> Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton

>>has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot

>>tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the

>>entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

>>

>> We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance

>>equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from

>>the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against

>> Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below:

>>

>> MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill

>>Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our store:

>>

>>1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them

>>in people's carts when they weren't looking.

>>

>> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off

>>at 5-minute intervals.

>>

>> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading

>>to the rest rooms.

>>

>> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an

>>official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what

>>happened.

>>

>> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a

>>bag of M&M's on lay away.

>>

>> 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign

>>to a carpeted area.

>>

>> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department

>>and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring

>>pillows

>>from the bedding department.

>>

>> 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him,

>>he begins to cry and asks," Why can't you people just leave me

>>alone?

>>

>> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used

>>it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

>>

>> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,

>> asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

>>

>> 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously

>>while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

>>

>> 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his

>>"Madonna look" using different size funnels.

>>

>> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people

>>browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

>>

>> 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the

>>loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams

>> "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

>>

>> (And; last, but not least!)

>>15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door

>>and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly,

>> "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Fwd: Driver's License Removal.VERY IMPORTANT !!!!!!!!!!!

Why most websites suck and how to make yours better

> Subject: Drivers License Removal
>
> This is upsetting, thought I should pass it along. Check your drivers
> license...
> Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet including your
> own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all!
> Thanks Homeland Security! Privacy, where Is our right to it? I
> definitely removed mine, I suggest you all do the same..... Go to the
> website and check it out. Just enter your name, City and state to see if
> yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box
> marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not
> from law enforcement.

http://www.license.shorturl.com

Fw: BUBBA-ALLS

another money making plan I missed out on!!! :(



This is the latest fad from Arkansas, could spread over the entire south before long. Good investment possibilities!


Right now, these are only available at the Walmart in Huntsville Arkansas but Distributors are actively being sought.

What you wouldn't want to hear on an airplane

> > A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
> > comfortable cruising altitude the Captain made an announcement over
> > the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
> > Welcome to flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles.
> > The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
> > uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD! Silence
> > followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
> > intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I Scared
> > you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant
> > accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the
> > front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You
> > should see the back of mine!"

[Fwd: Re: Gas War]

GAS WAR - an idea that WILL work (at least on paper)

This was originally sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. It's worth your consideration.

Join the resistance!!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea.

This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.

BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.79 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the
marketplace...... not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea:

For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people.

I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us sends it to at least ten more (30 x 10 =3D 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 =3D 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all. (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am, so trust me on this one.)

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?

Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.

THIS CAN REALLY WORK

FW: Fwd: Kmart return

> > > A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she
> > wanted
> > > a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work.
> > >
> > > The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she
> > bought it
> > > on special.
> > >
> > > Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started
> > screaming,
> > >
> > > PINCH MY NIPPLES,
> > > PINCH MY NIPPLES,
> > > PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"
> > >
> > > The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a
> > > growing crowd of customers.
> > >
> > > The manager goes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?"
> > >
> > > She explained the problem with the toaster, and he told her that he
> > > can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
> > >
> > > Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed,
> > >
> > > PINCH MY NIPPLES,
> > > PINCH MY NIPPLES,
> > > PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!"
> > >
> > > And doing so draws an even bigger crowd!
> > >
> > > In shock, the store manager pleads,
> > >
> > > "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
> > >
> > > In a huff, the woman says,
> > >
> > > BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
> > > MY NIPPLES PINCHED
> > > WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!"
> > >
> > > The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

FW: Monthly man

FW: Fwd: information

>>>>>    The Texan midget...
> >>>>>
> >>>>>   The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached
> >>>>> almost all the time,
> >>>>>   so
> >>>>>   he went to the doctor and told him about his
> >>>>> problem. The doctor told
> >>>>>   him to drop his pants and he would have a look.
> >>>>>   The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him
> >>>>> up onto the
> >>>>>   examining table, and started to examine him.
> >>>>>   The doc put one finger under his left testicle and
> >>>>> told the Midget to
> >>>>>   turn his head and cough, the usual method to check
> >>>>> for a hernia.
> >>>>>   "Aha!" mumbled the doc, and as he put his finger
> >>>>> under the right
> >>>>>   testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.
> >>>>>   "Aha!" said the doctor once more, and reached for
> >>>>> his surgical
> >>>>>   scissors.
> >>>>>   Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip
> >>>>> on >
> >>>> the left side.
> >>>>>   The midget was so scared he was afraid to look,
> >>>>> but noted with
> >>>>>   amazement that the snipping did not hurt.
> >>>>>   The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room
> >>
> >>>>> to
> >>>>>   see if his testicles still hurt.
> >>>>>   The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked
> >>>>> around and
> >>>>>   Discovered his boys were no longer aching.
> >>>>>   The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"
> >>>>>   The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't
> >>>>> even feel it. What
> >>>>>   Did you do?"
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>    The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top
> >>>>> of your cowboy boots."

Fw: Sad news

> > Sad News
> >
> > With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it
is
> > worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost
> > went
> >
> > unnoticed last week.
> >
> > Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at
the
> > age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into
the
> > coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Shut up. You know it's funny.
> > Now send it on to someone else and make them smile

FW: Fwd: Washington Post.

> > Washington Post.
> > March 15, 2006
> >
> > For Immediate Release:
> >
> > Congress today announced the Office of President of the United States
> > of America will be outsourced to India as of March 20, 2006. The move
> > is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also
> > a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the
> > office has incurred during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a
> > wise move financially. Cost savings should be significant," stated
> > Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, who with the aid of the
> > Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs
> > extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world
> > stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
> >
> > Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
> >  Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime.
> > Gurvinder Singh of  Indus Tele-services, Mumbai will be assuming the
> > Office of the President as Mr. Bush departs on March 20.  Mr. Singh
> > was born in the US while his Indian parents were vacationing at
> > Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.  He will
> > receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but with no health coverage or
> > other benefits.
> >
> > It is believed Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
> > responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
> > between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
> > few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will
> > allow me to keep my day job at the Dell computer call center," stated
> > Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
> > position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
> >
> > A Congressional spokesperson noted that, while Mr. Singh may not be
> > fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
> > this should not be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with
> > the issues either.  Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will
> > enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using
> > these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having
> > to understand the underlying issues at all.
> >
> > "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
> > "President Bush has used them successfully for years."  Mr. Singh may
> > have  problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Mr. Bush has abandoned
> > the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top
> > of the Katrina situation.
> >
> > Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
> >  final day of employment. Following a 2-week waiting period, he will
> > be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately,
> > he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits
> > will exceed the allowed limit.
> >
> > Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
> > to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
> > transition.  According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
> > securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A
> > greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Mr. Bush's extensive
> > experience shaking hands and putting on his world renowned phony
> > smile.
> >
> > Another possibility is Mr. Bush's reenlistment in the Texas Air
> > National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but, should
> > he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX, for a
> > month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been
> > there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable
> > knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal
> > and gift shop.
> >
> > Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
> > reception from Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of
> > his arrival so they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

FW: Fwd: retirees

> > Subject: retirees
> >
> >
> > Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make
> > their days interesting.
> >
> > Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop.
> > I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a
> > cop writing out a parking ticket.
> >
> > I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior
> > citizen a break?"  He ignored me and continued w! riting the ticket.
> >
> > I called him a Nazi turd.  He glared at me and started writing another
> > ticket for having worn tires.
> >
> > So I called him a s---head.  He finished the second ticket and put it
> > on the windshield with the first.  Then he started writing a third
> > ticket.  This went on for about 20 minutes.
> >
> > The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
> >
> > Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus.
> >
> > I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.  It's
> > important at my age.
> > 
> >
> > You Gotta ! have Fun

RE: How to clean your toilet

How To Clean Your Toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to ! the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind th! e noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the ! front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkl! ing Clean!

FW: Got Milk?

FW: Gas

http://richstevens.thinkfulsolutions.com/unreal.swf

Fw: COULD YOU SIT ON THIS?

COULD YOU SIT ON THIS?

Fw: Be Careful!!

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked
robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily
the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it
was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a
healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into
the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The
mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom,
I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years
ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the
Mom, "I know what happened.
You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."


I KNOW YOU SMILED!

Fw: FW: If this doesn't make you laugh.......

>THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN
>A SAUNA.
>
>SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM
>AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
>
>THE OTHE! RS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
>
>"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SH E SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY
>ARM.
>
>
>
>A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER
>PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE
>PHONE.
>
>I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
>
>
>
>THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH SO NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE
>HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND
>WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING
>FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
>
>THE WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT ..... I'M GETTING A
>FAX!!

Fw: 320 lbs. Wow.

The question is, What does a 320 pound woman look like?

Now, before you look at her pictures, get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like....

Got it?

Ready?

FW: Fwd: Top ten ways VP Cheney can kll you

Fw: Fw: somebody came home early.

This is pure speculation, but I think somebody came home early.

FW: FW: Take this short test

TURN UP THE VOLUME FOR FULL APPRECIATION
DO YOU HAVE THE HANDS OF A BRAIN SURGEON OR DO YOU WRITE WITH CRAYONS ?

http://www.winterrowd.com/maze.swf

FW: How NOT to tow a car stuck in the snow!

If you thought you were having a bad day check this out…

Fw: Have another beer

This is funny! Be sure and replay it "not" choosing drink another beer everytime.

http://www.bartendingsupplies.com/flash/badvirus.swf

What Happens When You Put Richard Simmons On Whos Line Is It Anyway

This dad is going to hell

http://www.break.com/index/kidscaredgame.html

Ahhhh . . . the rarely photographed South Florida Squirrel.

Fwd: New Pentagon Task Force

How to add a revenue stream to any business

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite
fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces.

These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri,
Oklahoma,Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been
given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no bag limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickups , country music,women or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

FW: Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk

YouTube Video voted best beer commercial of the year

I want to meet the party animal who uses the word "transubstantiate" in drunken conversation.



Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk.

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk.

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk.

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) Wendy's, Hardy's?...Taco Bell??--No thank you-i am not hungry.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have class in the morning

We must appreciate our law enforcement

FW: Masters Protest

Guy in the Back!

FW: how to get banned from Disney for life

Fw: Worlds Most Dangerous Creature

First look and see the shark under the water.

Keep your cursor out of the picture until you see the shark.

Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back, you might get wet (it's like it's 3D).


CLICK ON: Worlds Most Dangerous Creature

Fwd: FW: Never Scare a Brother

FW: Fwd: FW: White Trash Hurricane Survival Kit

>White Trash Hurricane Survival Kit
>
>Toilet Paper .......... check
>
>Bud Light .......... check
>
>Keystone Ice .......... check
>
>Budweiser .......... check
>
>Red Dog .......... check
>
>Misc. other bottles of alcohol .......... check
>
>Piece of plywood to float your chick & booze on . check
>
>Next time let's all be more prepared!

Fw: Ain't that the truth

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical.

HERE'S WHY!!!
Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas but.....................

Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC.

Fw: Always Wondered..

Always Wondered..

I've often been asked if you should leave your computer turned on during
the night. I now have the answer as to what happens to your computer while
it is unattended during the night while you sleep.

Click here: http://www.justracin.net/is.swf

or type in: http://www.justracin.net/is.swf

Fwd: Beware predatory females

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and
> local pubs, to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from
any
> woman.
> Many females use a date rape drug on the market called
> Beer" to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in
> liquid form a nd is now available almost anywhere. It comes in
bottles,
> in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs."
> Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars
> to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with
> them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a
> few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for
no-strings-attached
> sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several
> beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on
> horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be
> attracted.
> After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy
> memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often
with
> just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
> At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of
> their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship." It
> has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be
> shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form
of
> servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage." Apparently, men
> are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and
> sex is offered by the predatory females.
>
> Please forward this warning to every male you know. (And
> women with a sense of humor!) If you fall victim to this insidious
Beer
> and the predatory women administering it, there are male support
> groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of
> your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with
> similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest
you,
> just look up "Golf
> Courses" in the Yellow Pages