FW: Fwd: Retired Husband

>> Dear Mrs. Fenton,

>>

>> Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton

>>has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot

>>tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the

>>entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

>>

>> We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance

>>equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from

>>the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against

>> Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below:

>>

>> MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill

>>Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our store:

>>

>>1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them

>>in people's carts when they weren't looking.

>>

>> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off

>>at 5-minute intervals.

>>

>> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading

>>to the rest rooms.

>>

>> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an

>>official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what

>>happened.

>>

>> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a

>>bag of M&M's on lay away.

>>

>> 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign

>>to a carpeted area.

>>

>> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department

>>and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring

>>pillows

>>from the bedding department.

>>

>> 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him,

>>he begins to cry and asks," Why can't you people just leave me

>>alone?

>>

>> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used

>>it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

>>

>> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,

>> asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

>>

>> 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously

>>while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

>>

>> 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his

>>"Madonna look" using different size funnels.

>>

>> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people

>>browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

>>

>> 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the

>>loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams

>> "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

>>

>> (And; last, but not least!)

>>15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door

>>and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly,

>> "There is no toilet paper in here!"