Sunday, August 5, 2007

Fwd: little white guy....too funny not to share!




A Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him; looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown. The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"  The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around!"


Bush visits primary school


George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.  "Stanley," responds the little boy. "And what is your question, Stanley?" I have 4 questions:

 

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second,why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" 

Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance?

 

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name. "Steve," he responds. And what is your question, Steve?"

Actually, I have 6 questions. 

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?   

Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? 

Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? 

Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? 

Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?"

 

 

 

 

Private Part


My Private Part Died Today



An old man, Mr Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a  nursing
home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy
asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died
today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little
crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my
condolences."

The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with
his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.

"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the
hall
like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."

But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday
that my Private Part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your
pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.


"Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing.